


You Leave Me Lonely

by karyatid



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, First Time, Frottage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:56:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7897048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karyatid/pseuds/karyatid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Biggs is only halfway down the stairs before he turns back</i> </p>
<p>How their goodbye should have gone, and what happened after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Leave Me Lonely

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Merfilly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/gifts).



> Rarepairfest treat for Merfilly, who wanted to see happy moments. Hope you enjoy!

Biggs is only halfway down the stairs before he turns back, the gnawing unease that came when he turned away from Luke suddenly unbearable.

Luke's still on the terrace, looking out over the desert, shoulders slumped, and there's something drawing Biggs towards him, like always. Like when they were kids, convinced they could never be stopped as long as they were together. Like these past few years, since he found himself looking at Luke with another kind of want, though he's tried so hard to push his feelings away. 

"Hey," he says and Luke lights up at seeing him and Biggs feels himself grinning back. "I, uh. You want to come home with me? For dinner," he adds stupidly. He's never like this around anyone else. 

"But you're leaving tomorrow," Luke says, serious again. "Your parents, they'll want to."

"Nah, it'll be easier with you there. Please?"

"Well, if it'll make things easier for you," Luke fake-grumbles and Biggs has to ruffle his hair. Luke ducks and swats at him, laughing, and for a moment the Rebellion, his parents, all the rest of it fades. 

\--

They take Biggs' speeder out after dinner and end up on a cliff shelf looking out over Beggar's Canyon. They're both leaning back in the speeder's seats, watching as the sky loses the red of the sunset and the first stars appear. They're close, shoulders touching, and Biggs imagines he can feel the warmth of Luke's skin though the layers of clothes between them. 

"You'll fly an X-wing then," Luke says. "With the rebels."

"I think they'll just stick me in a freighter," Biggs says. "If I'm lucky. Or on droid maintenance." It's the second thing he thought about, after he decided. He's comfortable in his TIE now, most of the flying done on instinct. He'll have to learn from scratch, if they can spare the resources to train him. (He thought of Luke first, how to tell him he was leaving.)

"They're more maneuverable anyway," Luke says, waving away Biggs' concerns, and the familiarity of it makes Biggs smile. He doesn't think he'll ever live up to Luke's image of him, but it's never weighed him down. 

He turns his head to look at Luke, who's waving his hands about to illustrate something about X-wing sensors. Luke's face is unevenly illuminated by the speeder's dashboard lights and Biggs is tired and a little scared despite what he keeps telling himself, so he gives in and lets himself stare. Luke's still talking and turns to look at him with a smile, but something in the way Biggs looks at him makes him go quiet, his smile crumbling to a wistful look that seems wrong on his face.

"I wish I could go with you," he says and Biggs doesn't know what to say, doesn't know what to do with the way Luke's voice makes something inside his chest clench, and before he can really think about what he's doing he leans over and kisses him. The angle's off and he catches just the corner of Luke's mouth, presses his lips against Luke's, soft and quick. 

He draws back quickly, suddenly terrified and ready to play it off as a joke when Luke makes a small noise and cups the side of Biggs' jaw before kissing back. They kiss again and again, clumsy and desperate. Then Luke moves to straddle his thighs and Biggs feels his hands shake as he tries to pull him closer. He manages to work one hand inside Luke's tunic, run it along his side and Luke breaks off the kiss with a moan to rest his forehead against Biggs', panting.

"Hey, s'ok, s'ok," Biggs says, though nothing is ok, he's leaving tomorrow and already bruised inside from missing Luke, all the time they could have had and missed out on. He keeps one hand under Luke's tunic, light-headed at feeling the expanse of smooth skin, how Luke's shivering under his touch, and cups Luke's jaw with the other, tilting his head up a little

"We don't have to," he says, running his thumb over Luke's cheekbone, but Luke shakes his head and leans in to kiss him again, pressing just a little bit too hard and bumping their noses together and Biggs thinks that maybe Luke hasn't kissed a lot of people. 

Luke presses against him and keeps squirming in Biggs' lap, like he can't get close enough and Biggs is hard just from this, just kissing and being so close and he has a fleeting thought that he should be embarrassed about it when Luke shifts again and he feels that Luke's hard too. 

"Hey," Biggs says, using his hand on Luke's jaw to push him back a little, as gently as he can. Luke's eyes seem dark and wild and he tries to lean back in. "Easy, just," Biggs turns his head a little to kiss Luke's temple. "Just, let's get comfortable, ok?" He jerks his head towards the back of the speeder, the flat durasteel floor meant for cargo. "If you want."

Luke nods frantically and Biggs has to laugh at him which gets him a swat at his arm. "You're such an asshole," Luke says, hoarse and a little out of breath, immediately taking the edge off his words by kissing him again.

They scramble before getting to the back of the speeder, both reluctant to let each other go for a second, Biggs bangs his knee on the edge of a toolbox he doesn't remember putting there, and even when they stretch out across his feet hang over the edge.

He lies beside Luke at first, propped up on his elbow and his other hand running over Luke's chest. Maybe it's just the weak light, but it strikes him that Luke looks worried, biting his lip and looking to the side. Biggs goes completely still, his hand just below Luke's heart, distracted from the feeling of warm skin and rapid heartbeat by a pang of worry.

"Hey," he says, leaning over Luke and nuzzling along his jaw. "What's wrong?" But Luke keeps looking aways and Biggs starts to draw back, now cold inside."You want to head back home?" 

Luke answers by reaching up, fisting his hands in Biggs's tunic and pulling until Biggs ends up sprawled half on top of him. "No, it's just," he says. "I never, I haven't."

Biggs nearly tells him he hasn't either, never like this, it's just been fumbles, quick and impersonal, with people who were still strangers to him, after (and honestly, not a lot of that, even). Something tells him that kind of information wouldn't go over well, now, and anyway this is different. He leans in slowly, just brushing their lips together. Then again, when Luke makes an impatient noise, then tilting his head to slowly deepen the kiss.

He nudges Luke's legs apart, pressing his thigh between and moans when Luke bucks up against him, seeking friction. He wants to hold back, to make it last, but there's no way he can, not with the way Luke's running his hands over his back, not with how he closes his eyes and bites his lip to keep in little choked-off moans as he's getting close. He's the one Luke wants like this, he thinks, the one to make Luke come apart. Biggs presses his face against Luke's neck and loses himself in friction and movement. He mouths sloppy kisses along Luke's throat and bites down a little when he comes, and that's what makes Luke push up hard, shuddering through his release. 

He slumps on top of Luke, both of them panting like they just ran the length of Beggar's canyon. Luke starts squirming after a while and Biggs' body feels heavier than duracrete as they shift to lie on their sides. Biggs grins, suddenly embarrassed and trying to hide it and Luke smiles back before suddenly turning serious.

"It's getting late," Luke says, such a ordinary phrase to make everything shift.

Biggs curls his hand around the back of Luke's head and leans forward to press their foreheads together. "I'm sorry, kid," he says, feeling like a selfish pile of bantha shit.

"I'm not," Luke says, staring intently at the fold in Biggs' tunic he keeps twisting between his fingers. "I wanted you to know. When you're gone, I wanted you to." He breaks off, voice too tight to continue, but Biggs knows what he meant to say. 

Biggs reaches out to push Luke's fringe to the side, then runs his fingertips down his temple, along his jaw. He thinks he'll always remember what Luke looks like in this moment, in the moonlight, the sweep of his eyelashes when he closes his eyes. 

When Luke looks at him his eyes are calm again, "We should get back, yeah?" he says. "I need to get home or my uncle will throw a fit." He makes a face. "And, uh, maybe I can borrow some pants?"

Biggs laughs into Luke's shoulder and feels more than he hears that Luke's laughing, too. "Sure," he says. He starts to get up, but Luke grabs him by his tunic again and pulls him in for a kiss. He's still smiling when they break apart, breathless, but it's a smile that speaks of resignation. "It won't be long," Biggs says, helpless to find some sort of comfort in this whole mess, and Luke nods. 

"It won't be long," he says, quietly, as if he's speaking to himself, and then, "I'll find you." 

\--

When Biggs wakes up his right shoulder is on fire and the light is so strong it feels like a knife to the skull. He scrunches his eyes shut and tries to swallow, only to find that his throat is on fire too. There's nausea, and a familiar smell that takes him a while to place. Bacta - it always made him feel sick. 

There's voices around him, a Med droid and someone else, or maybe several someones. He can't make out what they're saying, and when he tries to remember what's happened there's only a grey mist. He's with the rebellion, now, isn't he? He remembers a debriefing, running X-wing sims. He must have kriffed up at sublight drills, somehow. 

He tries to sit up, but it just makes the burning in his arm worse, and it's as if there's weights all over, pushing him down on the bed.

"Hey, no, stay down," someone says and he knows that voice and. Did they send him home? Luke's not with the rebels, he left Luke on Tatooine, left him behind and it hurt to leave him, more than the other times, because they kissed just the night before. 

He forces his eyes open to see Luke, his eyes tired and worried, but also a Med Bay, too large and well-lit for Tatooine, and one by one, the pieces fall into place. Luke turning up at the Rebel base with the princess everyone thought lost. Taking off in their X-wings, the danger forgotten for a minute, overtaken by the joy of flying together. Covering Luke as he went in, the Imp getting a hit on him, and trying to make it back to the frigate. 

He's suddenly sure that Luke isn't really there, that the Imps got him when Biggs couldn't cover any longer, and tries to sit up so he can grab hold of him. This proves to be a bad idea, but Luke's hand on his uninjured shoulder when he tries to coax him to lie down is warm and real. 

"How did?" he tries to ask when the Med droids' admonishing beeps have down, but speaking takes more effort than running in the desert at noon. 

"It's ok, we're ok," Luke says, and "I made the shot." but he's sounding very far away and then someone turns out the lights. 

\--

When he wakes up the next time the pain in his arm has receded to a dull, continuous throbbing. He remembers what happened at once now, and knows where he is. The Med Bay lights still harsh, but he can open his eyes with only minimal pain. 

Luke's still in a chair by his bedside, but slumped forwards, head pillowed on his crossed arms on the edge of the bed, snoring a little. Biggs just looks, feeling his heart swell with the kind of happiness that's almost painful. 

He remembers something that Luke told him the first time he woke up, and before he really knows what he's doing he reaches out with his uninjured hand to poke at Luke's shoulder. 

"Hey, kid." he says, voice all hoarse. (He'd screamed, when he was trying to force his X-wing back to the hangar bay. It hurt so much, and he couldn't stop himself, didn't even realise where the sound came from at first.)

Luke sits up, bleary-eyed and with his hair sticking out in all directions. He smiles, the kind of smile that always made Biggs feel like any sacrifice was worth seeing it. He feels the same now. 

"Hey," Luke says, voice rough with sleep. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," Biggs says, losing himself in Luke's smile before he remembers why he woke him up. "Before, did you say you made the shot that took out the Death Star?"

"Uh." Luke rubs the back of his neck, looking almost embarrassed. "Yeah. I mean I," he shrugs. "I used the. You know, what, I'll tell you about it later," he says when Biggs can't stop himself from yawning. 

"That's some shot, kid," Biggs says. He can already feel sleep tugging at him again, but there's something else he needs to tell Luke. He reaches out to run his fingers along Luke's jaw, but his arm is heavy and he can't seem to move it right. Luke smiles and catches his hand, pressing his cheek against the back of Biggs' fingers, before leaning in to kiss him, slow and careful. 

"Told you I'd find you," Luke whispers against his lips before kissing him again. 

"You should get some sleep," Biggs forces out, fighting to keep his eyes open. "'N a bed."

"Don't worry about it," Luke says, and even with his eyes closed Biggs knows Luke's smiling. There's more he needs to say, but sleep is pulling him under. He feels the weight of their joined hands on his chest and knows that when he wakes up Luke will be there, and from now on, nothing will stop them. 

 

End


End file.
